News channels? Noise channels, more like.

Cast your memory back, for a moment, to the Bush Years — oh, sure you can, c’mon. Fox News was cheerleading for war and a burgeoning police state, calling dissenters “traitors”, yelling for every dissident’s and whistleblower’s head on a plate, and spewing GOP talking points all over us. MSNBC, in the meantime, was hollering for an end to imperialist wars, the protection of civil liberties, and all that other speaking-truth-to-power horseshit.

Fast-forward to the Obama Years. Fox News is suddenly hollering about dissent and civil liberties and Obama’s adventurism overseas. MSNBC, in the meantime, is cheerleading for war, softpedaling Obama’s use of drones to murder civilians, calling dissenters “traitors”, yelling for every dissident’s and whistleblower’s head on a plate, and spewing Democratic Party talking points all over us.

Anybody detecting a pattern here?

These three sticker designs depict the real reason for being of both of these hypocritical partisan “news” channels. The MSDNC logo may be something new to most of you, but why the Fox News parody logo, you might ask? Granted, everybody and their cat may have figured out that Fox News was a GOP mouthpiece from day one, but I thought it might be a good idea to include it, because Fair And Balanced.

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The recent implosion of healthcare.gov and the millions of people losing their health insurance despite Obama’s promise (and we know what that’s worth) have created a “perfect storm” of FAIL which is leading many to refer to Obamacare — uh, sorry, the Affordable Care Act — as “Obama’s Katrina”.

In the meantime Obamacare architect Ezekiel Emanuel, brother of Chicago mayor and Obama flunkie Rahm Emanuel, is telling anybody who’ll listen that this pain parade is somehow the fault of Fox News. I’ll grant you, Fox News is a veritable media cesspool responsible for pimping all manner of slimy skankiness, but anyone paying the remotest attention over the past month will tell you that Fox News didn’t have anything to do with this FAIL festival.

While that business is going on, House Minority leader Nancy Pelosi is all over MSDNC… uh, MSNBC… swearing up and down that Democrats are totally in line behind Obamacare. Yeah, sure, Nancy, just keep telling yourself that. Perhaps in some weirded-out dreamscape of yours, Democrats are in lockstep behind Obama’s corporate healthcare sweetheart deal, but out here in objective reality, buttloads of Democrats are running from Obamacare like it was a house on fire.

I can’t pretend I’m not enjoying this.

(And btw, I’m sure many of you are wondering what a hardcore Leftie like myself is doing citing articles at conservative news sites. Well, I’ll tell you… it’s a goddamn’ shame that I have to read the Washington Times and Newsbusters to get even half a clear idea of what the hell’s going on, because MSNBC is full of nothing but pimping and shucking these days. Think of it this way: I’m reading that crap so you don’t have to.)

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A political analyst interviewed on The Daily Show late last week referred to the two major party candidates for Governor of Virginia as the worst candidates he’d ever seen, remarking that Virginia voters were being asked to choose between “cancer and a heart attack”. That summed it up perfectly, if you ask me.

So it was that this past Tuesday, Virginians chose former Donkeycratic Party honcho and Clinton money man Terry McAwful — uhh, MacAuliffe — over Tea Party loon Ken Cuccinelli to occupy the Governor’s mansion… not that it’d make any difference in the long run.

God, I hate democracy.

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Hey, there, US news media consumers! Interested in finding out what else is going on in the world besides the government shutdown? Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah, tough shit. Curious about what’s up in Greece, the Sudan, or Palestine? Too goddamn’ bad, all they’ve got for you is government shutdown news. Like it or lump it, chumps.

For the past day or two, pretty much every US “news” network has been nothing but wall-to-wall government shutdown babble. MSDNC… uhh, MSNBC has been the worst of the lot, with continuous Obamacare pimping overlaid with 24/7 government shutdown hysterics, taking a break only to allow one of their resident windbags, Chris “Baby Eater” Matthews, to plug his new book about his days as a flunkie for Tip O’Neill — at one point, being interviewed by his wife, f’crissake.

All I can say is, thank Allah for Al Jazeera.

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