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‘They can still see his headless body stalking through the night
In the muzzle flash of Roland’s Thompson gun’
– Warren Zevon, “Roland The Headless Thompson Gunner,” 1978

This old chestnut from my crazed student daze wasn’t really historically apropos to this cartoon, but it was stuck in my head the whole time I was working on it. It was in our Dorm Top Forty in senior year, when I was drawing in the Yipster Times and my buds and I were getting ready to pie the Dean. I couldn’t begin to explain it; the sonofabitch just kinda leaped out of my memory, cranked to 11.

But, let’s just put those old giggles aside for now, and take ourselves a zesty, steamy gawk at the front page of Pravda On The Potomac from last Thursday (as I write this) – or, as I called it, the “Venezuela Special”. JEEEEzus CHRIST, willya LOOK at that goddamn mess. The main head on the front-page lead piece on the Donster’s latest yo-ho-ho’ing looks as if they’re in on the Cheer For Bullying, Piracy And Thievery Without Actually Cheering For Bullying, Piracy And Thievery Challenge – nothing if not the internal agonizing and mental pretzel-twisting of my imperialist Liberal friends’n’fam made publicly visible. They’re actually in favor of something the Donster is doing, and so they’re just going all splungy. So, what’s he gonna do with the goddamn tanker, now – open his own gas-station chain? “TrumpGas”? He’s already started up his own social-media site and plastered his name all over all kinds of shit, why not gas stations? “You can trust your car to the man who…”

…but, enough of that; let’s move on to the featured foto on the left, where the true hilarity ensues – in which The Courageous Venezuelan Opposition Leader* Who Looks Like The Villainess In A Telenovela And Who Begged Trump To Invade Her Country And Who Can’t Come Out Of Hiding To Accept Her Cracker Jack Peace Prize Sends Her Daughter Instead.

*Note that here, as in all cases, the phrase “opposition leader” in the US press is a stand-in for the phrase “USAID, NED and multiple-corporate-backed right-wing US stooge”.

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I happily confess that nearly my entire contact with Legacy Media™ these days comes from the five minutes or so I spend scoping out the front pages of the Washington Post, Washington Times, Wall Street Journal, New York Times – and the New York Post, if I think I can stand it – in search of inspiration at the newsstands of my local bodegas while out on my morning walk.

Isn’t it adorable how all the DNC can think about is getting their goddamn vote out while our neighbors are being snatched and disappeared by gangs of masked thugs, the regime is spitting in our faces on live TV and trying to provoke a civil war, and pretty much every goddamn American institution we were taught to venerate in school has turned out to be total garbage? But yeah, sure, Donkeycrats; let’s get that mid-term vote out.

And what’s with the “voter enthusiasm” thing? Goddamn Democrats can’t shut the hell up with that crap. What, are they bugged that the voters are so goddamn beat down, desperate and indoctrinated that they’re just kind of reflexively dragging their glum, dejected asses out to punch a chad, tap a screen, pull a lever, then back home for “The Price Is Right” instead of eagerly, happily, proudly – dare I say “joyfully” – skipping and singing on their way to the polls?

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Though actually quite grim and cringe as hell, I found this news sickeningly funny somehow, in ways reminiscent of the big-ups drum beating Sept 2005 BLS jobs report the month after Hurricane Katrina. Y’think Microsoft was hoping Mickey D’s would pick up some of that layoff headcount?

Then, of course, is the cringingly upbeat economic hard-sell in the Mickey D’s announcement featuring the new Labor Secretary, and the obvious clumsy-ass tap-dancing they’re going to have to do around our new quack-ass Health & Human Services Secretary – especially seeing as Big Mac’s is one of El Presidente’s favorite brands.

You deserve a break today!

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OK, US media – and aerospace-related trade media, I’m especially looking at YOU – it’s time to cut the goddamn crap and quit calling these knobs “private astronauts” and call them what they are: “rich-ass motherfuckers who can afford to have themselves shot into space”, especially this Isaacman clown who could afford to have himself shot into space twice, and on the second flight performed the most useless-ass excuse for an EVA ever. Even Alexei Leonov was out longer, and actually managed to gather significant scientific and engineering data while in the process of getting back into the spacecraft without accidentally killing himself.

But yeah, sure… the standard-issue tech entrepreneur who has near-zero training or experience in aerospace engineering or program management or flying high-performance jet aircraft at all but who made himself a massive pile off a payment processing company he supposedly started as a teenager in his parents’ basement (your standard tech-bro rags-to-riches saga) and so was able to pay to have himself shot into space twice and who is best buds with Elon Musk is, according to the Donster, the ideal choice for NASA Administrator. Yeah, that’s right — the goddamn “private astronaut”.

We’re fucked on Earth, and fucked in space.

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