I Am The 47%
By this time, I trust most of you have seen the infamous Mitt Romney video in which he writes off 47% of the voters — especially those of you who watch MSNBC, who’s been replaying it over and over so many goddamn’ times it’s turned into pornographic wallpaper. The ironic thing is that Mittens got it right, but for the wrong reasons.
While it’s certainly true that at least 47% of voters will vote for Obummer no matter what, it won’t be because of the reasons that Mittens cites — decent healthcare and housing, and such. They’ll vote for Obummer in spite of his picking up where Bush left off — in spite of Obummer’s continuing assaults on civil liberties, his attempts to dismantle Social Security and Medicare, his continued mass murder of civilians overseas, and his bailouts of bankers and Wall Street.
No Liberal in this country has to worry about his home being bombed by drones, or being snatched off the street and indefinitely detained because of any threatening dissident activities, or about the lack of a pension or decent health insurance — so, Liberal America can ignore Obummer’s massive crimes at home and abroad and concentrate on your typical standard-issue affluent Liberal issues, such as gay marriage and abortion rights… and, yes, they’ll vote for Obummer, no matter what.
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Ever since the beginning of the current Presidential “election” campaign cycle — lo, those many eons ago — the media have been buzzing about the problems the Democrats are facing keeping their supporters energized the way they were in 2008. Endless hours of airtime are packed with hack pundits and party mouthpieces scratching their heads and pretending to have no idea what the problem is when, actually, it’s so goddamn’ obvious that you just want to reach into your TV set and smack the shit out of those people.
Thankfully — and, somehow, sadly — The Onion is providing the most accurate reporting on the Democrats’ 2012 campaign. Check it out. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry.
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Do You Feel Lucky?
The other night, a nasty old man got up in front of the whole country and yelled at a chair for upwards of five minutes. Normally, I’d consider this a new all-time low in American politics, except that the Democratic Convention hasn’t started yet.
This was the first time ever in my entire life that I saw a crazy old man yelling at inanimate objects who wasn’t immediately snatched up by the cops and thrown into a psycho ward.
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When Neil Armstrong died last Saturday, my boyhood finally officially ended.
By all rights, flags all over this country should be lowered to half-staff in honor of one of the last real American heroes, but it would still be meaningless, because no one can lower the one flag that really matters.
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And now, one more time, for all you young’uns out there:
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