Apropos of entirely nothing, really… just stumped for a gag, smoking and doodling at an ungodly hour the other night, vaguely inspired by this alarmist headline in the Washington Post, though this cartoon was not at all intentionally related to the whole debt ceiling pissing contest on the Hill this week… and while I’m at it — is it a cliff, or the ceiling? Quit jerking us around, Washington Post.

I also fully confess to an equally boneheaded literal interpretation of the whole beat-ass “cliff” metaphor. Hell, I’m old enough to remember the FIRST time around with that “cliff” horseshit.

…and besides, if you really take a good, close, hot steamy gawk at Biden’s real priorities — and the current attitude of the American general public towards more unemployment, inflation, war and austerity — you couldn’t exactly say we were “drifting”.

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Well, there’s another Inauguration Day coming up soon, and that means upwards of a million of you poor, deluded clowns will be infesting my home town for two or three days.

I just hope that the latest deal Obama’s floating to keep us from going over the phony “fiscal cliff” doesn’t throw any cold water on your festivities. You know which deal I’m talking about here: the one that keeps the tax cuts for the rich in place, and cuts Social Security benefits.

Yeah, that’s right, your glorious hero has sold you all out again, but if I know you, you’ll be bound and determined to not let it keep you from enjoying your big moment — though it might be a good idea to start right away acquiring a taste for cat food:

“While some people have tried to foster a myth of the elderly as a high living population, the facts don’t fit this story. The median income of people over age 65 is less than $20,000 a year. Nearly 70 percent of the elderly rely on Social Security benefits for more than half of their income and nearly 40 percent rely on Social Security for more than 90 percent of their income. These benefits average less than $15,000 a year.”
–Dean Baker, “Is Obama About To Cut Social Security?”, Institute for Public Accuracy, December 18, 2012

Still, I know this is an important day coming up for you, Liberal America, so by all means, have yourselves a time. Enjoy my home town. Enjoy the historic monuments. Enjoy the parties and balls. Enjoy celebrating four more years of Hope And Change.™

Choke on it.

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Well, folks, it’s time once again for our Crisis Of The Month Club, this month featuring a slab of lame kabuki theater called “The Fiscal Cliff”, yet another round of cheap drama to provide cover for the Democrats’ and GOP’s collusion on the dismantling of Social Security and Medicare. And, of course, you know what this means, everybody — time to PANIC! GO ON, PANIC! FREAK OUT! CRAP YOUR DRAWERS! SCREAM AND CRY! RUN AROUND LIKE HEADLESS CHICKENS! OH GOD WE’RE GOING OVER THE CLIFF! AAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

Sigghhh… oh for Christ’s sake, get a goddamn’ grip, you stupid rubes. It’s not a cliff; hell, it’s not even an outcropping. Fiscal Cliff? Fiscal Rut, more like. Here, check out this article from the Institute for Public Accuracy, get your facts straight, and calm the hell down already:

“Once again, it’s all about politics, not about the stuff that actually matters — a reality that becomes more obvious with the next two obstacles. There’s a bundle of expiring provisions in the tax code — known esoterically as ‘tax extenders’ and the Alternative Minimum Tax ‘patch’ — that benefit corporations and upper-middle class Americans, respectively. Congress will likely extend these expiring provisions without much discussion, just as they’ve done in the past.

“Next obstacle: health care. The Affordable Care Act — Obamacare — includes a handful of new taxes that will go live in 2013… These taxes will likely go into effect right on schedule, but they’re so small they’ll have next to no discernible impact on the economy…”

Instutute for Public Accuracy: “It’s Not A Cliff”, November 13, 2012

Now, then… now that you drama queens have gotten your heart rates back down to normal, here’s something you really need to get wound up about:

“We all knew the election was a minor diversion because no matter who won, the first order of business would be to gut the social safety net. The ‘fiscal cliff’ was always part of the plot line, to stiffen the will of Democrats to reverse the progressive stance it had taken since the time of Roosevelt. Pete Peterson’s billions bought both parties and now it’s payback time. Don’t be duped by the dopes in Washington — there is no deficit and debt crisis now or looming in the distant future. The electorate must hold the feet of politicians to the fire: keep your darned hands off my Social Security and Medicare…!”

“The president’s own proposed budget cuts of $4 trillion over ten years average out to $400 billion a year. In other words, the Obama Cliff is almost as large as the fiscal cliff that everyone dreads. Whatever the precise mix of tax increases and spending cuts, $4 trillion is too big a cliff…”

Institute for Public Accuracy, “‘Cliff’ Part of Ploy to Target Social Security and Medicare”, November 14, 2012

Now, there’s something to get all freaked out about. That ought to be something to get your blood boiling and your lazy asses off the sofa and into the streets — a real honest-to-god crisis, not some cheesy good cop-bad cop routine with a bunch of politicians on TV hollering “wolf!” and mouthing beat-assed clichés like “kicking the can down the road”.

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A couple of mornings ago, I heard what had to have been the ten millionth utterance of the phrase “kicking the can down the road”, emitted by some hack Congressman being interviewed on MSNBC. It’s bad enough that the Donkeycrats and Rethuglicans are contriving these phony crises to provide cover for their collusion on the dismantling of Social Security and Medicare, but do they have to add insult to injury by dragging out these tired, hackneyed clichés and beating them to death on TV?

If I ran the revolution, one of my first acts would be to round up every politician and media pundit who said “kicking the can down the road” so much as a single time, and have them publicly hanged. I realize that my more lenient comrades would prefer to simply imprison them, but only the threat of summary execution can truly deter the surviving politicians and pundits from assaulting the public with shopworn clichés such as this.

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