Every American Understands
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“…Even in his brief remarks to reporters Tuesday, Trump made clear that his sole concern in terms of the economy is the financial markets. ‘The most important thing by far — including whether our stock market, which, by the way, is at an all-time high — but including whether our stock market goes up or down a little bit, the most important thing by far is Iran cannot have a nuclear weapon,’ he said, adding, ‘Every American understands’…”
Oh, they understand, alright, ya’ goddamn loser.
They understand that it’s Luigi Time.
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Warehouse Plans
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If you’re the kind of person who’s up to their goddamn neck with seeing millions impoverished and immiserated by capitalism (and I know I am) the news of the rash of warehouse arsons a couple of weeks back – including a $600m whomper in California – put a smile on your face.
As luck would have it, however, Trump’s blockade of the Iraninan blockade of the Strait Of Hormuz (you’re it, no tagbacks!) is pushing gasoline prices higher by the day, meaning that simple arson may soon be out of reach of your average pissed-off working-class wage slave.
So, as any good revolutionary would do – adapt!
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Starring in order of appearance: Some Harvard Economics dweeb, author of “Some Crap You Bought To Read On The Plane”; some wild-ass up-all-night, Monster Energy-guzzling, stock-market playing Wall Street geek, author of “Some Crap You Bought To Read On The Plane”; and some shallow, glitzed-up ex-Chamber Of Commerce honcho who’s now the executive director of some big-ass retailers’ association, author of “Some Crap You Bought To Read On The Plane”.
Inspired by a lively, witty exchange between some pals on Bluesky a couple of weeks ago, riffing on business media pundit shartage.
(At this point, has there ever been a panelist or Guest Contributing Analyst on The Network Formerly Known As MSNBC who hasn’t been pushing a book on the air lately?)
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Capitalism: 404
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When I first got the word going around that the Citibank building in Dubai had been bombed, my first thought was “will I still have to pay my bill next month?” Then, one after the other, like Santa Claus dropping goodies on nearly every company involved in surveilling the Palestinians and supplying military intel to Israel – data centers for Amazon, Apple, Microsoft, Palantir, Oracle, Citibank… I couldn’t not pretend to enjoy capitalism’s reaction when the only thing it truly values gets the living shit blasted out of it.
“We’re sorry, but ‘Capitalism’ is 404 at this time…”
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