Is it just me, or did Secretary Of Snake Condolee-ee-ee-eezza Rice make one of her weirdest statements ever last weekend — even weirder than that NBC “Today” interview where she said “freedom is on the march” about half a dozen times? Oh, and I love the part where she says that “We’re going through a very violent time.” “WE”? What do you mean “we”, white woman?

All in all, though, quite a bout of birth pangs, there; shame it couldn’t have been a more quiet, serene and peaceful birthing experience, like Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise’s baby.

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I saw on the morning news the footage of the first successful synthesis of uranium by the Iranians. I saw a scientist holding up this little capsule of radioactive gas with this theatrically triumphant attitude. As I heard the pundits clucking on TV, I reminded myself, “OK, Iran’s finally gone nuclear, but who’s the real nuclear threat in the Middle East?” Every time I asked myself this, I kept coming up with the same answer:

BIG HINT: it begins with an “I”, ends with an “L”, and has “S-R-A-E” in the middle. Has anyone else noticed how the US Press and the State are shitting themselves over Iran finally managing to produce some crummy-assed smidgen of enriched uranium, while failing to point out that Israel has enough nukes to make a ring of craters around itself?

Let’s take a calm, close look, here. On the one hand, we have a nation that’s just now reached the Pinky And The Brain stage of nuclear development; on the other, a nation with at least 200 functional nuclear weapons of various types — most of which were supplied by the USA — on standby, ready to light the place up. Those of us out here who aren’t profoundly retarded can see who the real nuclear threat is here, and would really appreciate it if the US Media would quit jerking us around.

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Did anyone else here see those Liberals at the April 29th New York City peace mobe toting signs sponsored by Working Assets reading “Out Of Iraq, Into Darfur”? Yeah, it sounded pretty damn’ whacked to me, too.

I mean, c’mon…can you believe that Amnesty International is supporting military intervention in Darfur? Yeah, that sounds even more whacked than a rally of 10,000 Liberals on the Mall a couple of weeks ago yelling for President Chimp to invade… uh, that is, “save” Darfur. Y’know, through the past decade and a half at least, I haven’t seen a single “humanitarian” crisis — real or perceived — that the US State hasn’t tried to exploit for either resource extraction or imperial expansion: Somalia, Kosovo, the Sudan, you name it. If anything about Darfur is “saved”, it’s going to be the big-assed puddle of oil sitting underneath Sudanese soil.

Imperialism and militarism aren’t tools for solving problems — they are the problems. Even the quickest examination of US foreign policy and behavior over the past fifteen years would show you why “Out Of Iraq, Into Darfur” is about the most cockamamie idea to come along since “Anybody But Bush”.

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Finally, a Plan For Victory! Oh, sure, the GOP may not have any real plan — and the Democrats may be even worse — but at least the Bushites have the good sense to put up big signs all around the stage reading “Plan For Victory” whenever President Chimp gives a speech. All the Democrats have is Howard The Duck, living in a party he never made.

Seriously, the Bush Regime flacks must have assumed Americans are even stupider than they actually are to serve up that old Reagan-era bromide “Stay The Course” when, in fact, there were a goodly number of us who remember that load of bullshit from back when it was still fresh and steaming. The war in Iraq is shaping up to be a Fail even more epic than Vietnam, and all President Chimp can think of is to say “Stay The Course”. What was that old Pete Seeger song… “waist-deep in the Big Muddy, and the big fool says…”

In 1989, one Dr. Francis Fukuyama penned what had to be one of the most conceited loads of triumphalist blathering ever, The End Of History, in which he claims that the fall of the USSR and its satellite regimes in Eastern Europe heralded the end of the struggle between Good and Evil (aka Capitalism and Socialism, or the absurdly distorted, simplistic media images thereof). What I found especially laughable was Fukuyama’s treatment of the USA as a state that was somehow immune to collapse and above it all, the “winner” of the aforementioned struggle when, in fact, even as US politicians and pro-capitalist idealogues celebrated the victory of “freedom”, the first rumblings of the collapse of the USA could be heard in the form of NAFTA and George I’s initiation of renewed imperialist adventurism in Panama, Iraq, and Somalia.

The end of history? No, sorry, Dr. Fukuyama, what you heard in ’89 was just the first shoe dropping. Seriously, Dr. F, didn’t you realize that if a regime the size of the USSR could end up as historical roadkill, it could just as easily happen to the USA? Jeezus, what is it with these goddamn’ Harvard jerks?

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