God, I miss Trump already — yeah, I said it, and I’d say it again if I had to. The sonofabitch isn’t even out of office yet, and I already miss him. I miss the breathtaking, aggressive stupidity, the comical blustering, and those tweets. Oh god, yeah, those tweets — every one a solid nugget of pure comedy gold.

I really was hoping for another four years of those little classics, but no luck. Instead, we’re in for four years of banal, empty, platitudinous bilge — like this little stinkburger, where he takes forever just to tell us that all we’ll likely get for coronavirus relief is another measly-ass $1200 check, and that otherwise we can go fuck ourselves. Christ, it looks like something off an old 1970s cat poster.

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This one’s going out to all the Leftie media “Blue Checks” who spent the better part of the last four years ripping the mask off the Democratic Party, blowing the Russiagate grift wide open — and then chickening out at the last minute and going with Joe Biden because… harm reduction?

Harm reduction? Really? Even knowing Gropin’ Joe’s record over the past 40-odd years? F’crissake, the guy practically invented harm.

Shame on you. All the goddamn shame on your asses.

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“In Trump’s orbit” seems to be the favorite phrase of all the “cool kids” in the media right now after his positive COVID-19 test, rapidly gaining ground on the ever-popular “existential threat”. Without even trying, I returned an entire page of search results from newspapers, magazines, media all over the country sporting headlines or ledes with the phrase “in Trump’s orbit”. You could play a drinking game with it on cable news, but you’d end up in the ER.

So, while the media were beating this poor, misbegotten phrase to within an inch of its life, I had to ask — what, exactly, is “in Trump’s orbit”? The answer, of course, was instantly clear — spent rocket stages, dud rocket stages, derelict satellites, tools lost overboard from ISS spacewalks, the odd NRO top-secret payload, drifting fields of orbital collision debris, a Tesla roadster… wait, wut?

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So, aaaanyway… everybody and their cat have been speculating for months about what they think the “October Surprise” will be in this campaign, and wot’tha FUUUUU—

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Continue reading "Instant Karma!" »