When our Exalted Boy Emperor and Nobel Peace Laureate, George W. Obama, caved in to the “Drill, Baby, Drill” crowd and proposed the opening of large areas of the Atlantic and Alaksan coasts and the Gulf Of Mexico for oil drilling, you could’ve knocked over your average Liberal or Pwogwessive with a feather. They were shocked — shocked — to hear that The One was proposing to allow offshore oil drilling with a plan very nearly identical to that Evil Rethuglican, George W. Bush. Mind you, I, myself, wasn’t the least bit surprised, as only with the slightest bit of search-engine rummaging, I was able to determine way back in ‘04 that Obama was a craven military-industrial stooge of the most typical kind. The really sad part is, of course, that your average Liberal or Pwogwessive will still — like your classic abused spouse — feel as if they’ve got noplace else to go and, as per usual, trudge off to the polls to pull a lever for the Democrats later this year, and in ‘12 and, also as per usual, once again feign shock and surprise when they come in for more abuse and betrayal from George W. Obama and the Democrats.

“Drill, baby, drill”…? “Spill, baby, spill”, more like.

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A couple of days ago, Gawker’s Alex Pareene penned an excellent article about the quality and attitude of the reporting at Washington political rag Politico, specifically referring to their article “The Drama Queen Caucus”. Over the past couple of months or so, I’ve been spending a lot of time reading Gawker for their excellent reporting on the O’Keefe/Breitbart “ACORN Pimp” scandal as well as their media critiques and — I must confess — their edgy and unique style of gossip reporting; so, when Pareene’s article on Politico appeared, I couldn’t help but play a little bit of Devil’s Advocate regarding the nature of the current Washington scene and the importance of healthy cynicism in this comment:

Awesome article, Alex, and you’re right on about Politico.

Still — I was born, raised, went to school, grew up and spent pretty much all my life and career in and around Washington — throughout Vietnam, Watergate, the Energy “Crisis”, Reaganomics, New Democrats, you name it — and I can tell you that anyone in this town without a well-developed sense of cynicism is easy pickings for the likes of Clinton, Bush, Obama & Co.

I’ve learned to read the Washington Post the way a Muscovite learned to read Pravda way back in the day.

Your characterization of Politico is right on the nose, but, let’s face it — the current ruling class in this country really is a bunch of self-centered, vain, preening sociopaths who really do live for the foto ops, the CSPAN Moments and the Sunday morning talk show gigs. Many years of experience have taught me this.

They may be right totally by accident, like a busted clock, but Politico really is right about Dennis Kucinich: he really is a time-wasting, gutless, pussified faux Progressive attention whore who talks a good game about serious policy reforms, but is totally ready to roll over for the Democratic Party —- especially when it comes in the person of a slick flash bastard like Barack Obama, who probably promised him a new pony, just like he did to the rest of us in ‘08. By rolling over for the Democratic leadership on the healthcare bill, he pretty much pissed away any credibility he had left on the Left —- assuming he had any to begin with, after his dickless performance at the ‘04 Convention.

Well, imagine my surprise when I logged on to Gawker last night to scan for the latest Teabagger/O’Keefe/Breitbart shenanigans and found myself annointed a Comment Of The Day along with my 2008 Kucinich Campaign Poster! That’s right, gang; the Kid’s a hit in the Big Apple! When it rains, it pours, I guess.

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Y’know, I hardly know where to start with this. Perhaps I could start with this gob-smacking foto of ex-Presidents Bubba and Chimp, both smiling their most smarmy and smug smiles as they accept the position of Special Envoys in charge of the Haitian relief effort. That’s right, ex-President I Invaded Haiti In The ’90s and ex-President Heckuva Job Brownie have been placed in charge of Haitian earthquake relief, and the bastards are frickin’ smiling… and President Timberlake, there, seems just barely able to contain himself as well. What perfect cover for a little bit of that “vulture capitalism”.

Or, perhaps this amazingly soulless, brutalist David Brooks column from the New York Times might work for you. In it, he calls for the throwing away of any tolerance or respect for foreign cultures and calls for “intrusive paternalism” at least half a dozen times in a page and a half of thinly-veiled racist spewage. In spirit and letter, it’s really no different from any similar racist spewage about Haiti and the Dominican Republic published in the New York Times a century or so ago; Noam Chomsky writes in Year 501:

Times editors lauded the “unselfish and helpful” attitude that the US had always shown, now once again as it responded “in a fatherly way” as Haiti “sought help here.” Our “unselfish intervention has been moved almost exclusively by a desire to give the benefits of peace to people tormented by repeated revolutions,” with no thought of “preferential advantages, commercial or otherwise,” for ourselves. “The people of the island should realize that [the US government] is their best friend.” The US sought only to ensure that “the people were cured of the habit of insurrection and taught how to work and live”; they “would have to be reformed, guided and educated,” and this “duty was undertaken by the United States.” There is a further benefit for our “black brother”: “To wean these peoples away from their shot-gun habit of government is to safeguard them against our own exasperation,” which might lead to further intervention. “The good-will and unselfish purposes of our own government” are demonstrated by the consequences, the editors wrote in 1922, when they were all too apparent and the Marine atrocities had already aroused a storm of protest.

However, if comic relief is what you’re after, don’t despair; former US Senator John “Senator Goodhair” Edwards is going to Haiti to help out, also — with cameras conveniently present, of course.

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Well, here we are, a year into this glorious new post-racial, post-partisan Hope’n'Change Era, so let’s just pause to take stock of all the momentous Change that President Booker T. Obama has brought us:

The Economy: worse. President Hope has given away absurdly huge buttloads of our tax money to bankers and Wall Street. Bonus? Of course. That’s what the bankers have done to us for the past year or so.

Health Care: worse. To paraphrase a recent Keith Olbermann broadcast, it’s not health, it’s not care, and it sure as hell isn’t reform. President Change’s idea of health care reform involves shutting single-payer supporters out of the “debate”, massive corporate giveaways to the health insurance and pharmaceutical industries, the threat of fines or jail for people who don’t buy corporate health insurance even if they can’t afford it — and if you can afford decent health insurance, President Yes We Can wants to tax the living shit out of your benefits. Still, with any luck, that Coakley woman will lose that special Senate election in Massachusetts, and it’ll be Sayonara Charlie to The Bill That Needs Killing.

Civil Liberties: worse. Some doorknob in Detroit tries to blow up a plane with his underwear, and the next thing we know, President Hope wants to institute Jim Crow for Muslims and make us all to pose for digital x-ray porn. Meanwhile, one of President Hope’s fellow Harvard punks over at the Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs wants to assign CIA spooks to troll duty at any blogs that happen to bug him.

Illegal Foreign Wars: worse. President Change — or, as Code Pink called him during the campaign, the “Peace Candidate” — makes a big-ass deal out of appearing to seriously ponder the situtation before initiating a 40,000-troop escalation of the war in The Graveyard Of Empires — or, as it’s more commonly called, Afghanistan. The Nobel Prize committee finishes slurping the dregs out of the bottom of the Kool-Aid bowl and awards President Change a Nobel Peace Prize; President Change, on accepting the Prize, gives a pro-war speech. Now, that’s class.

So, congratulations to one and all of you Obamabots who allowed yourselves to be motivated by fear and desperation and fall for the first slick-assed huckster who can speak in complete sentences and knows how to pronounce the word “nuclear”. I just can’t thank you enough.

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T-shirts and Stickers at Mike’s Schwag Shop.

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