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I happily confess that nearly my entire contact with Legacy Media™ these days comes from the five minutes or so I spend scoping out the front pages of the Washington Post, Washington Times, Wall Street Journal, New York Times – and the New York Post, if I think I can stand it – in search of inspiration at the newsstands of my local bodegas while out on my morning walk.

Isn’t it adorable how all the DNC can think about is getting their goddamn vote out while our neighbors are being snatched and disappeared by gangs of masked thugs, the regime is spitting in our faces on live TV and trying to provoke a civil war, and pretty much every goddamn American institution we were taught to venerate in school has turned out to be total garbage? But yeah, sure, Donkeycrats; let’s get that mid-term vote out.

And what’s with the “voter enthusiasm” thing? Goddamn Democrats can’t shut the hell up with that crap. What, are they bugged that the voters are so goddamn beat down, desperate and indoctrinated that they’re just kind of reflexively dragging their glum, dejected asses out to punch a chad, tap a screen, pull a lever, then back home for “The Price Is Right” instead of eagerly, happily, proudly – dare I say “joyfully” – skipping and singing on their way to the polls?

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“Sources say…” BWAH HA HA HA HAAHHH, “authorities believe” …”sources say” …after the shooter was revealed to be not trans or antifascist at all but just another goddamn fashy punk. Well, waddya know about THAT shit? Of course, that didn’t stop august rags like the London Times or the Washington Times or the New York Post from shoving the truth aside, ignoring the damage and keepin’ right on truckin’, like Tom and Daisy in Gatsby.

And, of course, the Canadian Parliament never fails to come through. Remember a couple of years ago, when they gave a Standing O to a former Waffen SS soldier because he fought the Russians (current Official Bad Guys) in World War II – on the fascist side? But, still… sonofabitch fought the Russians, so let’s show him some Standing O love, peeps.

They really do seem to be going hard on this shit right now, though; they must still be pretty shook from the Brian Thompson capping. Well, no matter – no amount of spin-doctoring, scolding, browbeating, threatening or gaslighting will stop me expressing my boundless joy at the spectacular death of an oppressor.

Sorry, Charlie.

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I’m almost embarrassed to have to confess to having gone for the “Democrats need a clear message” horseshit for this long before some kind of metaphorical anvil fell on my head from the top of a metaphorical skyscraper and I suddenly realized that oh, f’crissake, the Democratic Party has been giving me a great big loud-ass and clear message since at least 1996, when Ralph Nader first ran on the Green Party ticket, and that clear message is —

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“I was in Austria during the War. I am not programmed to respond in that area.”
— US Rep. Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) to Chris Hayes, 07.15.2025

If candy-assed, non-committal hemming’n’hawing were an Olympic event — if namby-pamby mealy-mouthing around were an NCAA Division I sport — New York Rep. Hakeem “AIPAC Shakur” Jeffries would be a multiple gold medalist, AND in the top brackets for the Final Four.

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