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I was working in the lab late one night, telling myself to not waste time doing cartoons about bullshit issues like the White House ballroom, the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, or renaming the Kennedy Center and Lake Ontario. The problem is that they keep presenting themselves as metaphors for far more important issues than a building – in this case, the way this kind of asshattery always struck me as symbolic of the boorishness, the tackiness, the selfishness, the conceit and butt-naked narcissism of America.

You’d think that by this point a doorknob like Trump would have outgrown this type of Halloween zaniness, but apparently not.

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Democrats and Liberals won’t stand up to fascists and ICE thugs, but they’ll raise holy hell over the reflecting pool at the Lincoln Memorial. They’ll gladly abandon Palestine to the IDF to avoid appearing antisemitic and won’t lift a finger for transgendered people because that might cost the DNC an election, but they’ll man the barricades for the goddamn Kennedy Center. That’s right, they’ll try to appease fascists by throwing basic human rights and dignity to the wolves while they protest for A GODDAMN BUILDING.

John the Baptist, after torturing a thief,
Looks up at his hero, the Commander-In-Chief,
saying, “Tell me, great hero, but please make it brief –
is there a hole for me to get sick in?”

The Commander-In-Chief answers him while chasing a fly,
saying “Death to all those who would whimper and cry!”
And dropping a barbell, he points to the sky,
saying, “The sun’s not yellow, it’s chicken!”

– Bob Dylan, 1965

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(That Melania doc sure was a massive W if ever there was one. 11 x 17 inch medium-res color .jpg image, 1.2mb)

Does having to close the Kennedy Center after shitting all over it count as a victory? How about making a laughingstock of yourselves by shitting your pants over a Super Bowl halftime show? Or, how about alienating most of America – and the Earth – by shitting on the remaining credibility of every major American institution? Honestly, I thought it was a parody when this stinkburger of a statement first hit Bluesky earlier this week, until I traced it down to “X” and started spotting it all over the papers about the same time. Dear god, does his staff just let the sonofabitch write his own goddamn press releases, just blurt out whatever he feels like on his tr00th.social accounts without taking him aside and giving him pointers on how not to write like a goddamn 1950s B-movie dictator? “Victories pour in”…? oh, man, you can almost imagine him mush-mouthing it out in that smarmy, 19th-hole happy-hour, three-martinis-into-it NYC real-estate hustler voice.

“Distract, depress, and divide”? Oh, christ, are they channeling Spiro Agnew now, too? And that “Don’t Be A Panican” headline – where the hell are they getting that shit? What’s the next communiqué going to open with – “Turn That Frown Upside Down”?

Sadly, the recent flurry of media rumors of El Presidente crapping his pants at a recent White House press event turned out to be false, as somehow pants-crapping seemed a perfect metaphor for the current state of American politics and society.

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