On top of all the uprising and rioting and pulling down statues and all that other great stuff, it looks as if Dan Snyder has finally gotten the message and is changing the name of the Washington, DC NFL franchise to something that isn’t a horrid racial slur.

With a decision like this, of course, there also comes the usual flood of suggestions and proposals — and I’m certainly not one to shirk my creative duty.

I, for one, think the new name of the team should be the Washington Covids, because our policies and attitude have been like a plague around the world, and also because Americans are pretty much banned from entering any other country on Earth at this point.

And, as luck would have it, the July 8th Washington Post featured an article which basically details the moaning and wailing from NFL sponsors and TV advertisers if the pandemic precludes any chance of even actually playing a season this year. It’s pretty obvious they don’t really give a shit about the sport; they just need some guys playing football to put on TV so that all the corporations who flushed down all that marketing cash can show us their goddamn advertising.

So, basically, no NFL = capitalism takes a bath. Cry me a goddamn river.

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So, as I suspected… Mayor Bowser doesn’t really give a rat’s ass about the MPDC terrorizing and murdering Black citizens of DC, or about protesters being tear-gassed and run off the street so Trump can do his foto op at St. John’s Church, or our city being invaded by the goddamn 82nd Airborne — she just wanted to own Trump and nab some TV time.

Not even a week after painting “Black Lives Matter” in huge-ass letters taking up two blocks of 16th Street between K Street and Lafayette Park, she was browbeating the city council to “slow down” on police “reform” (clipping from Washington Post, June 11 2020).

New York City mayor De Blasio, not to be outdone, decided to name one street in each borough “Black Lives Matter Street” — after allowing the NYPD to also terrorize, beat, torture and murder New Yorkers for the better part of a week.

Still, there was no topping Bowser. All De Blasio did was put up a bunch of crummy street signs; Bowser’s hypocrisy is visible from orbit.

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Like sands through the hourglass… so are the days of our Jack. DC City Councilman Jack Evans — you will recall — was recently forced to resign his Council seat in disgrace after a wave of scandals including the WMATA Board Of Directors and Colonial Parking.

So, slimy Jack — predictably, somehow — has filed to run again for the City Council seat he was recently forced to resign from in disgrace… you will recall… Oh, for the days when disgraced politicians had the class and decency to go away and stay gone…

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Well, isn’t this just all-time… Vincent Orange, DC Chamber of Commerce CEO and former disgraced DC City Council member, is throwing a bash for himself and a host of fellow grifters to congratulate themselves for bringing big-league baseball back to DC. Anybody who was anybody making this city miserable back in the ’00s is going to be there, a turn-of-the-century rogues’ gallery featuring none other than former Mayor Tony “The Rat” Williams himself. Honorees’ schwag is to include replicas of the World Series trophy, and baseballs personally autographed by the owners of the Washington Nationals:

Excerpt from DC Chamber of Commerce press release via Fenit Nirappil, the Washington Post, on Twitter.

The truly spectacular irony here is that at a masturbatory shindig held by a guy who ended up resigning from the City Council after taking the Chamber gig, one of the honorees is our current champion multi-dipper, soon-to-be-bounced-out-of-his-seat and likely to end up with a C of C spot, Ward 2 Councilman Jack Evans — an irony so spectacular, in fact, that I’m really going to have to go lie down now.

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Continue reading "Jack Evans, Hometown Hero" »