“We have the unusual circumstance where on the very first day of the trial, when those managers walk on the floor of the Senate, there will already be over 100 witnesses present”

—Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA), 02.08.2021

Well, hot damn diggety; nothing fills me with confidence quite like the poetic, sage pronouncements of Mr. Russiagate, himself. Meanwhile, Jamie Raskin is cementing his role as the Tired-Ass Cliché User In-Chief:

“…Donald Trump surrendered his role as commander in chief and became inciter in chief.”

This hot mess isn’t exactly going to be last night’s lasange, that’s for goddamn sure — and those of you who love leftover lasagne like I do know what I’m talking about, and I’m the goddamn Leftover Lasagne Lover In-Chief.

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Continue reading "Impeachment II: The Reheated" »

Wow, that two grand sure went away in a hurry, didn’t it? I know I’m sure not feeling too grand right now. But, enough of this gay banter.

In a trademark eleventy-dimensional chess move, the Democrats’ promised $2000 stimulus checks promptly turned into $1400 shortly after the special runoff election in Georgia. Needless to say, your “progressive” voters — along with the millions about to lose their homes — are not amused.

Meanwhile, up here on Capitol Hill, shit’s gettin’ real. We’ll be back down to $600 before we know it.

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Continue reading "Go Fish" »

We’re hitting a record for COVID-19 deaths, unemployment is sky-high, another wave of evictions is hitting, the fascists are still running wild, the police are still mass-murdering Black people, but yeah — let’s impeach Trump — and find some obtuse, other-worldly reason to blame Russia while we’re at it, because what the hell.

Cripes, how the hell does that even work? The guy’s been out of office for nearly a week. If the Senate votes to convict, how do they punish him — revoke his Secret Service protection? Sieze his Federal pension? Prohibit him from running for office again? The “spanking machine”?

MSNBC commentators and guests this past week have been blurting out the word “democracy” so often you could play a drinking game; meanwhile QAnon, Patriot Prayer, the Proud Boys and the rest aren’t just going to pack it in and go home because Trump’s been bounced out of the White House…

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Continue reading "ZOMG Democracy!" »

You know the thing… but first, the Democrats are going to take one more crack at impeaching Trump for a cheap-ass little crime which they themselves weren’t complicit in, and give themselves a chance to bitch and moan on TV about the Chud Army “impeding democracy” n’shit — because even when they “win”, the Democrats are a bunch of cryin’ loser bitches.

You know the thing.

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Continue reading "Congratulations, Mr. President" »