Hillary, Hillary, Hillary! What could I possibly say about Hillary Clinton that hasn’t already been said about the sensation of having red-hot steel needles plunged into your eyeballs? Those bugged-out eyeballs, that phony horse-toothed smile, that hectoring schoolmarmish speaking style, those posh outfits, that insufferable sense of entitlement that oozes out of her every pore and orifice — there’s just nothing about Hillary that doesn’t inspire a good, healthy, deep-down hatred inside of me.

I’m almost at the point of actually hoping that they do nominate Hillary just for the entertainment value of watching the Democratic Party crater good and hard, one last time, for good — I’ve got the beer in the cooler, the Jiffy-Pop on the stove and the lounge chairs set up and ready for the big Fail — so that folks who want real change can sweep aside the wreckage to make room for a real “peoples’ party”.

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Almost as if on cue, USA Today, in its classic “everything’s OK, don’t worry, be happy, nothing to see here” fashion, ran a big-ass front-page story this week trumpeting in its headline that the economy was “surging”. Now, if you know anything at all about USA Today — or, as some of us wags call it, USA Hooray — when you see them using words like “surging” in a headline on an economic news story, you can be sure it’s 99 & 44/100% pure bullshit.

But, anyway, assuming you believe USA Today, the economy’s surging again! And, if you checked out the actual breakdown yourself at the Bureau of Labor Statistics, you’d see that a pretty good chunk of them are rock-bottom-wage “service” jobs, not including the handful of “freelance” categories you see here — including a newly-emerging job category showing a huge upswing at the end of the month, shortly after Hurricane Katrina struck New Orleans and the Gulf Coasts of Mississippi and Alabama.

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Here’s another one of those gags that pretty much drew itself. On hearing the news that New York City would have the dubious honor of hosting the 2004 Republican Convention, this image slammed into my head like a runaway train and refused to go away:

This was my part towards inspiring locals and visitors alike to hit the streets and give the GOP a good old-fashioned New York City welcome, and to let the Bush Mob know that the people of NYC weren’t going to allow themselves to be cast as “extras” in a fascist corporate infomercial (which is basically what the Republicratic and Demopublican Conventions had become by this time).

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So, President Chimp had his “Mission Accomplished” moment, and America got all cocky and full of itself — just in time for the city of Fallujah to burst out with a wave of resistance and fightback, culminating the the capture, execution of several Blackwater mercenaries, followed by the burning of the corpses, and their hanging from a bridge near the edge of town. Media reports translated the irate Iraqis’ chants into “Fallujah Is The Graveyard Of Americans”, but I have a sneaking suspicion that what they were actually chanting was “Four More Years!”

Finally, the Iraqis of the town of Fallujah had all they could stand, rose up and kicked American ass, starting with the aforementioned gang of Blackwater corporate mercenaries. For a good week, the news media continued to insist that those punks were “civilian contractors” despite eyewitnesses report that said “civilian contractors” were wearing Kevlar vests and packing automatic weapons. Finally, NBC finally broke down a week later and started calling them “civilian SECURITY contractors”, which is about as good as it gets for NBC. I suppose they were “contractors” in the sense that they had a contract with the US Regime, and were paid large amounts of money, but let’s face it — they were mercenaries, guys whose job it is to kill and be killed for whoever gives them the best deal.

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