The other night, a nasty old man got up in front of the whole country and yelled at a chair for upwards of five minutes. Normally, I’d consider this a new all-time low in American politics, except that the Democratic Convention hasn’t started yet.

This was the first time ever in my entire life that I saw a crazy old man yelling at inanimate objects who wasn’t immediately snatched up by the cops and thrown into a psycho ward.

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Continue reading "Do You Feel Lucky?" »

AURORA, Colo. (AP) – New York City’s police commissioner says the gunman in the Colorado movie theater rampage had painted his hair red and called himself the Joker — the villain from the Batman movies.

Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly said Friday that he had been briefed about the shootings that killed 12 and wounded nearly 60 others at a showing of the new Batman movie “The Dark Knight Rises” at a suburban Denver theater.

–Associated Press via ABC News, Tampa, FL

In a now-predictable pattern, less than a day after the shootings in a Colorado movie theater screening The Dark Knight Rises, Emperor Barack Obama, who claims the right to assassinate anyone at any time anywhere, who maintains a “kill list” of potential assassination victims, and whose drone strikes have murdered thousands of civilians in Afghanistan, Pakistan and Yemen, delivered the now-standard scripted Tourette’s outburst of false compassion and sympathy for murdered civilians in the Denver suburb of Aurora. Also, in a now-predictable pattern, the US news media fawned over the Boy Emperor’s gushing unflinchingly, unquestioningly, and without the slightest sense of irony, even as they neglect to report on Obama’s assassinations, mass murder, and acts of terror abroad.

As far as I’m concerned, the only difference between Boy Emperor Obama and the deranged college dropout in Colorado is that Obama has billions worth of lethal military hardware capable of killing thousands around the world along with the US mass media at his beck and call, and the deranged college dropout in Colorado had only a couple of pistols, an assault rifle, and a shotgun.

For those of you with strong stomachs, here is the complete transcript of Obama’s smarmy, hypocritical spewage at a campaign appearance in Florida.

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Continue reading "“I Am The Joker”" »

No, really, it is, at least parts of it.

I was on my way downstairs for a sandwich one late morning last week or so, and I passed by the bedroom, where the DW is catching up on some impresario chores on her laptop while the satellite box is nailed down to MSNBC. As aiways, I stop for a minute or two just to check out what they’re emitting, and it’s some woman who looked as if she were made entirely of plastic babbling an item about Hill leadership’s reaction to the discovery that the US Olympic Team’s uniforms had been made in China. Faster than you could say “eight percent unemployment”, Harry Reid and John Boehner had crapped their drawers loudly while blurting out carefully crafted Tourette’s episodes on the subject of the export of US jobs to China. After offering up this news, the anchorbabe said — for real, I shit you not — “At last, something that Democrats and Republicans can agree on.”

“…along with war, torture, censorship, warrantless surveillance, assassinations, detention without trial…” the anchorbabe neglected to add.

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Continue reading "Based On A True Story" »

A couple of weeks ago, my comrade Isis hipped me to this pants-pissing hilarious article in Wonkette about this absurdly overwrought portrait by David Bugnon, glorifying recently-deceased rightist “journalist” Andrew Breitbart as a Nordic knight. Posters and postcards of this hysterical tribute were available for purchase at Patriot Depot, your one-stop shop for all your right-wing drama-queen kitsch needs, for the bargain price of $3999.95. (Such a deal! I’ll take two!)

Now, those of you who know me and my work know that there was no way in hell I could ever resist parodying this great heaping sloppy slab of fanboy bilge.

UPDATE: Confirming my suspicions — along with those of Photoshop artists and computer gamers everywhere — it’s been revealed in a subsequent Wonkette report that the aforementioned glorifying painting was, in fact, a third-rate Photoshop mashup composed of an “official” portrait of Little Andrew, the knight from the computer game Assassin’s Creed, and a stock photo of a glowing, leaden sky. This, of course, pushed the whole story from the absurd over the edge into the gloriously batshit.

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Continue reading "Andrew Breitbart: Fight" »